Dressed Up Like Sunday Morning: Strap on tha’ Black

It’s that time again kids, breath has been baited, thumbs twiddled, magazines flicked countless times until images of SS10 are nothing more than a sticky, creased and caressed mess. It’s Fashion week!!! Kicking of the couture calendar with style it has to be gay old Paris. But Menswear I hear you cry? Yes True, I’ve never much been a fan of Menswe@r weather we’re talking over-hyped beige Britpop or skinny ties and shirts. However hard I’ve tried I’ve always met it with a generous does of ennui and a fat fucking yawn. So where would any disillusion fashion fan turn in their hour of need…Viktor and Rolf of course!

So imagine my horror when I survey the harrowing sight before me. Refresh refresh no matter how hard I try the Google results never lie. To quote my beloved ‘Shop Assistants’ (yes, the twee-pop band!) I’m Glad you’ve got a safety net’…the cards are on the table and the SUIT is BLACK!

Ok so they’re playing it safe but in an economic downturn when even the most valiant of institutions (Woolies, Select, BAY trading) are crashing at our feet who can blame them. It’s not ground breaking but it’s hardly repulsive either and whilst they stick to ‘play-it-safe’ tailoring (a carrot fit a day keeps the Bailiffs at bay) they still retain knods to all things tongue in cheek. The clothes march down before scrutinizing eyes to Ben Hamilton’s soulful 9 1/2-minute version of the Rolling Stones song "Paint It Black." It’s Fucking FUNNY right!!! And despite a color pallet that resembles that of Birmingham City Centre (IRONIC racism, gettit) they still challenge concepts of layering. A shiny, BLACK quilted puffer vest under a BLACK leather three-quarter-length coat, and multiple collars on tuxedos, BLACK shirts and sweaters of varying fabrics. Better than a grey area I guess.

All that remains to be said is: Vandell Stretton are you responsible for those ominous stains gracing the below tailored trousers?? So far up your street you’ve taken out a mortgage!