Friday, 29 January 2010

Harem Dream or a HIDEOUS Nightmere

In their newest attempt at vigilante social reform 'The Sun' have waged a new war to
bring back Capital punishment for that most heinous of crimes. Piping paedophilia to the post and topping the charts for a second season in a row is the newly adopted Hipster Trend and social menace...THE VINTAGE PATTERNED HAREM PANTS!

Taking dressing downs to a whole new level, the most fashionably forward have held their annual conference and decided looking like MC Hammer shitting in to a colostomy bag fashioned from Boy Georgie's futon throw is where it's at. So in a valiant attempt to pursue a path of justice i bring to you our gallery of shame:

And if you REALLY MUST embrace this trend one may only do so if you style it this cute:


Intergalactic Planetary, Planetary Intergalactic

As Britannia lays her weary head and any remnants of National Pride dissolve somewhere between Gordon Brown's latest manifesto and Christopher Kane's Top Shop collection there seems no better time to disembark the 'Good Ship Albion'.
Looking ahead in to the horizon, something strange glistens before us, Out of this world, almost alien, we feel like a couture Columbus conquering the seemingly unknown.
As we acclimatise we're greeted by an imaginative collection of extra-planetary pieces crafted by Danish Designer Julie Eilenberger (a mere 24 years of age) debuted at Berlin Fashion week.
An oestrogen enhanced take on classic Gareth Pugh - dramatic shoulders are given a round feminine form, enhanced by elegantly padded chiffon whilst traditional floor-length drapery is dragged in to the 21st century with galactic prints. With quiet echos of a hipper Nicolas Ghesquière for Balenciaga she fuses classic Hollywood glamour with science fiction fantasies.
So as we sail on searching for a new sort of dream this Danish designer is well worth keeping within our radar.

(Spangly Banner)


Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Animal Magnetism!

Our beloved Animal Collective have come one step closer to obtaining cultural world domination. Their debut Film a collaberation with Perez (Danny not Hilton) debuts at the Sundance Film Festival this evening! promising to be a visual phantasmagoria of dark imagery seen through a neon haze i can NOT wait.

Here is the trailer to wetten your seats!


Well the fork stuck 'em.

Bear Hands are releasing my two favourite tracks in February, which are currently available for free download on their website -

On their last UK tour, last September, it seemed I was the only real fan they'd come across. I'm hoping the release of What A Drag and Can't Stick 'Em rectify this as it'd be a shame to see their blend of energetic percussion, twinkly guitar riffs and insightful lyrics go amiss.

BearHands4lyffff <3

Things have gone abit 'West'

Two-penny, twelve-stone hooker or bona-fied fashion mind-fucker?
"I know you'd like to thank your shit don't stink, But lean a little bit closer
See that Rose really dress like..."

Personally speaking that bitch got balls so hats (and skirts, jumpers, tights...) off to the girl!

(OMFG! What would PETA say??!!)

(steeling the show at Chanel)

(DOUBLE-DENIM??! Shorty got CHEEK)


Here Come The Girls...

So as the last pair of tapered harems are packed away and the pigeon chested Antwerp Adonis’ sent back to whichever agency they strut from we’re greeted by the sound of hundreds of bated breaths exhaling in unison…Couture week begins!

I’m not going to lie; I find the old fashion houses a little loathsome. Maybe our fast paced internet generation are just spoilt but if something’s not cutting edge, well it’s just not going to cut it at all. We’re no longer content with the WOW factor we want the ‘NOW’ factor aswell. So it’s with a little trepidation and reserved excitement I cast my eyes over Lagerfeld’s Chanel Couture Creations. At a glance it’s nice to see Chanel opting for shorter hem-lines…in a culture where anything below the left labia is seen as prudish a little wink towards the rebellious cuts of 60’s, provides a breath of fresh-air without giving a little wank to the rebellious sluts of the 00’s. The candy cane colours make for a nice juxtaposition against the traditional materials used on their iconic tweed suits whilst the delicate bead-work feminises their most dramatic of dresses.

Most surprising of all was the absence of the infamous Chanel staple the ‘Little Black Dress’ coined by CoCo herself. Karl seems to be casting a crafty gaze in to the future with ‘city shorts’ replacing skirts and masses of metallic breaking up pastel drapes. The futures bright…and with not ONE sighting of last seasons ghastly ‘Couture Clogs’…it’s rather fashionable too.

The Iconic Lagerfeld style embodied in Couture (far right)


Everything that shines ain't always gonna be gold...

... But I reckon this is.

So it looks like my golden boys MGMT are back in the music game after what I'm guessing's been a nice hazy aftermath of their rapid sprint to rockstar fame.
The Brooklyn pair, who were my mad obsession and victim of adoration throughout 2008, have re-emerged with the likes of Kid Cudi, featuring on this sweet little track, The Pursuit Of Happiness, along with Ratatat. Mellow, cool and confident, Kid Cudi's rap is complimented by Andrew's too-cute-to-be-true vocal. Hardly the wildly danceable pop that enveloped me two years back, but it hits the spot.

I'm also loving Chiddy Bang's sampling of MGMT's Kids.

Though the rapping is basic-as-fuck and the title pretty cringe-worthy, the sampling totally refreshes Kids - rescuing it from being that same old track played over a Saturday night indie dancefloor. It's a cute, catchy and easy pop tune that I know I'll be requesting the hell out of all weekend.


Sunday, 24 January 2010

The Burg'


It was only when a dear friend of mine linked me to NYmags Brooklyn top 40 i realised exactly how large a percentage of the masses of music i love comes from one tiny area of New York. The list ,( not without some GHASTLY omissions, No Jeffrey Lewis OR Bonnie Prince Billy pretty much encapsulates the musical mood of Louise and i throughout the past year.

So without further a-do i present to you some 2.1 grade data presentation:

Pardon it's DIY cottons, you may have to squint a little. MS Paint aside perhaps this is the abrupt awakening we need to start searching pastures new for strange, original and innovative sounds. Are we in a musical rut? Only time will tell.


Strap on tha’ Black

It’s that time again kids, breath has been baited, thumbs twiddled, magazines flicked countless times until images of SS10 are nothing more than a sticky, creased and caressed mess. It’s Fashion week!!! Kicking of the couture calendar with style it has to be gay old Paris. But Menswear I hear you cry? Yes True, I’ve never much been a fan of Menswe@r weather we’re talking over-hyped beige Britpop or skinny ties and shirts. However hard I’ve tried I’ve always met it with a generous does of ennui and a fat fucking yawn. So where would any disillusion fashion fan turn in their hour of need…Viktor and Rolf of course!

So imagine my horror when I survey the harrowing sight before me. Refresh refresh no matter how hard I try the Google results never lie. To quote my beloved ‘Shop Assistants’ (yes, the twee-pop band!) I’m Glad you’ve got a safety net’…the cards are on the table and the SUIT is BLACK!

Ok so they’re playing it safe but in an economic downturn when even the most valiant of institutions (Woolies, Select, BAY trading) are crashing at our feet who can blame them. It’s not ground breaking but it’s hardly repulsive either and whilst they stick to ‘play-it-safe’ tailoring (a carrot fit a day keeps the Bailiffs at bay) they still retain knods to all things tongue in cheek. The clothes march down before scrutinizing eyes to Ben Hamilton’s soulful 9 1/2-minute version of the Rolling Stones song "Paint It Black." It’s Fucking FUNNY right!!! And despite a color pallet that resembles that of Birmingham City Centre (IRONIC racism, gettit) they still challenge concepts of layering. A shiny, BLACK quilted puffer vest under a BLACK leather three-quarter-length coat, and multiple collars on tuxedos, BLACK shirts and sweaters of varying fabrics. Better than a grey area I guess.

All that remains to be said is: Vandell Stretton are you responsible for those ominous stains gracing the below tailored trousers?? So far up your street you’ve taken out a mortgage!

Dear Mr Viktor and Rolf when it comes to playing it safe please heed your own advise:

Ahhh That's better the sparkle and WOW factor we know and love



It won’t be the first time an artist has been criticised for passing off ambitiously opportunist work as a masterpiece, whether it’s mammals bobbing majestically in formaldehyde or shit in a can the debate of what determines an objects worth continues to rage on.

This time however things are a little different it is validity rather than technical merit scrutinized under the microscope. The latest exhibition from the V and A sees Banksy sitting pretty next to Egyptian princesses who stare straight in to Lowrys bleak urban landscapes. An untrained eye, heck a trained eye would be mistakenly baffled by this seemingly ad-hoc arrangement of Art. Look a little closer, keep looking and one similarity unites this odd cacophony: They’re counterfeits.
If they were real, the collection would be worth more than four million pounds. Instead what we have is the crème de la crème of the art underworld, notorious forgeries allowed to be appreciated, for the first time ever, for what they really are. Astonishing lengths were reached whilst enhancing the validity of these pieces, shreds of Victorian newspapers pasted on the back’s of painting, roman coins melted down to make statues…even the most straightedge of art fans can nor deny the sheer skill and dedication need to pull the wool over industry eyes!

One of his most notorious works is the "Amarna Princess", which was bought by a museum in Bolton for 400,000 pounds under the guise of a rare Egyptian engraving of the pharaoh Akhenaten.

So next time you’re feeling a little strapped for cash, banish those thoughts of heading down The Forest Road and reach for a pencil of a different kind. Come on how hard can drawing Sunflowers actually be.

The exhibition, "The Metropolitan Police Service's Investigation of Fakes and Forgeries" is open from January 23 to February 7.


Friday, 22 January 2010

Toy Story 3D(oll)

Artist Andrew Lang's dolls model looks from SS10!!

These were made especially for 'The Block' magazine. Am i the only one who's screaming 'WHERES THE MCQUEEN AND VIKTOR AND ROLF???'. perhaps in the pipeline!


The Sun may not have it's hat on...

Whilst the cold is still closing in it's time to invest in some statement head ware...

* Long Brown hair optional one hopes.


Clash of the Tritons

Colourful snapshots from Sao Paolo Fashion Week AW10/11

Less High-Fashion and more High-contrast! CSS's Love foxxx definitely has her paws all over this collection. Working for the Triton Fashion Housein in Collaboration with Tufi Duek she's opted to target an only slightly post-pubescent market. Yet more Super Super Styling should make for fun and fearless fashion yet 60s cuts, pop art, pastels, dalmatian puppies and Pipettes merely mirror back a diluted less relevant replica of Miu Miu's SS10 Collection.

This one is just like the slightly perverted, very Quant-esq TopShop PU Mac that's in stores now. C- must try harder : (

Miu Miu SS10, Glitter and WOW:


Toy Story 3

Need we say more...

Dazed and Bemused.

We're all going on a 'Summer Holiday'
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Wild Nothing have put down the Moog and climbed all aboard the ramshackle wagon. following in the footsteps of 2009 Wunderkids 'Girls' they're bringing their shambling dare we say it, C86 influenced sounds to the sun starved masses. Like The Pains Of Being Pure Of Heart recording their own version of 'Incinerate' in a bathroom in Heaven, they manipulate simple yet effective guitar riffs using analogue production. This lo-fi West coast ethos provides a stark contrast to Jack Tatum's earlier dream-pop aesthetic, perhaps more in keeping with the musical trends of 2010 (sitting nicely somewhere between Beach House and A Sunny Day In Glasgow). He layers sound to produce a textured neon haze which washes over the conscious whilst he continuously retains strong melodies in his Passion Pit range vocals.
Their cover of Kate Bush's 'Cloudbusting', also worth note, is a valiant stab, awash with ambiance and retaining some, perhaps not all of Kate's mystical qualities. They may not promise 'No work for a week or two' but it'll definitely provide some form of much needed escapism.

'Summer Holiday' is twinned with the B-side 'Vultures Like Lovers':


Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Toy Story 2

Walk, Walk, Fashion, BARBIE, walk it, move that bitch crazy.
Veik, a 29-year-old Beijing-based artist/Fan-boy/GENIUS has created a collection of Ga Ga dolls fulfilling every 22 year old girls wildest dreams.
NB, Would you look at those McQueen shoes! (!!)
Just, WOW!


5 things to do #1.

On a chilly Tuesday in January:

1. Wander an art gallery expressing faux-intellectual interpretations of the exhibits found there.
2. Kill time drinking refill coffee and chain-smoking.
3. Discuss moisturiser in some depth.
4. Shuffle between natty record shops and book stores on the hunt for inspiration.
5. Aimlessly discuss poetry, writing and nothing in particular while drinking too quickly.


VOM #1.

How cute.
How catchy.
How cool.

...Cough cough.


Toy Story

Iconic retro brands possess strong currency right now yet Super Super Styling earns a resounding YAWN from bored Fashionistas who still recoil in horror at the thought of their 'New Rave' fluorescent faux-pas. Think less of this:And pause for a Twee-break:

Top: Lego interpretations of the acclaimed Belle and Sebastian albums 'Dear Catastrophe Waitress' and Jeepster Singles Collection 'Push Barman To Open Old Wounds' bring a self-indulgent smile to my inner Pop Kid's face.

Sunday, 17 January 2010


Not too often does a piece of music over 2.5 minutes long capture my wavering attention to such an all encompassing degree. When it comes to musical motion pictures the dulce desperation of Stuart Murdoch’s ‘God Help The Girl’ sits more comfortably amongst my cochlea crushes with it’s homage to 60’s girl-groups and Pop friendly production.

Taken from The Knifes operatic take on the ‘Origin of The Species’ this could not be more detached from Catherine Ireton’s cool vocal delivery and everyday subject matter.
It is other worldly and haunting whilst retaining The Knifes trademark weird melodic percussion and vocal distortion, elevating it in to epic proportions. Truly engaging and original it engraves a haunting feeling well after its eleven minutes have drawn to a close.


Conservative Dressing...

Cardboard Mademoiselle

Irony is a disciplinarian feared only by those who do not know it, but cherished by those who do” -
Soren Kierkegaard


Hip or Dangerous!

Coco Chanel once preached the immortal morning mantra ‘LOOK IN THE MIRROR BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE – AND TAKE ONE THING OFF’ So why, when entering a decade in which fashion and popular culture promise to be more intertwined than ever before are we greeted by a wealth of mismatched monstrosities every time we enter any city centre. Plaid shirts, obligatory NHS specs, floating florals and Train spotter anoraks all served on the same paisley plate! Anti-cool or fashion-fool, it’s about time we stopped letting the twenty-somethings of today pull the 1980’s sequinned knit over our eyes.

Now I’m no enemy of the Common/Garden Hipster, heck I probably am one. Neat high-waisted minis, cute as pie ankle boots and pussy-bow blouses with a beret on top are a welcome sight bobbing in a sea of Top Shop floral prints. But as we enter 2010 it appears ‘looking good’ is as dated as a corking Tiger Woods joke. Born from boredom of 00's dapper dressing a new trend is spawned: “DRESSING DOWNS’.

The objective: a patchwork of imitation and emulation citing 1980’s twee-pop heroes, Amelia Fletcher and Steven Pastel cross bread with an Early 90’s Cobain to create a naïve ‘grunge’ look. DM’s, meets plait and florals, married with oversized garish knits and androgynous bowl cuts. Intended to create a reactionary anti-cool style fused with ‘grab and dash’ 30 second dressing. Innocent, a-sexual, childish.

The Reality: a foul combination which 9.7 times out of ten misses the mark by a country mile. Instead of successful sloppy styling we’re greeted by attire that resembles a mentally challenged menopausal mess, conjuring images of Disney picture socks with whiter than white Reeboks. To paraphrase: Awful.

But looking like everyone else sucks right? Better to be individual than a pawn to Society’s expectations and the corporate consumer market. If a need to be unique is the culprit for this awful new-wave dressing then why is this ‘Hipster’ trend sweeping the nation with the vigour of H1N1? As for myself, I’m happy to follow trends within reason, especially those that scream ‘hey, I’m a little kooky; I like good bands and read sufficiently intellectual books’. But this is one I’ll be leaving to the St Martians martyrs. If they want to look like dicks in the name of art, more fool them. Me? I’m off to Topshop.